Potty training boot camp? Really? Is potty training so intimidating to us that we find it necessary to buy books and DVDs to give us step by step detailed information?
I recently encountered a mom in our school that was so overwhelmed by the well meaning advice of "friends" and family she was rendered helpless in her pursuit of a diaper free toddler. I'm not sure if it’s the idea of potty training, the well meaning unsolicited advice and potty "horror" stories she heard or peer pressure. Listening to her prompted my desire to write on this topic.
The stress of ridding your child of pacifiers, bottles and diapers is the equivalent of a teen's SAT scores and college acceptances. Friends, who are usually so supportive of one another and will keep a secret about you until they die, become Super Bowl level competitors when it comes to childhood milestones. Did your child walk at 9 months? Fifteen months? Immediately after leaving the womb? Does this really matter? Well, if you’re concerned about delays yes, otherwise what's the issue? Is it to prove the superiority of one child over the other? Absolutely not!
As I began writing this blog I googled "potty training" and came up with over 16 million hits. After that, I decided to search a few other early childhood topics.
Googling separation anxiety came up with close to 5 million hits and preschool readiness had a mere 3 million 6 hundred thousand. Why is it that almost 4 times as many people are more concerned with potty training than with separation and nearly 5 times as many with school readiness?
I’m not going to even attempt to try to answer these questions now, just pondering the importance of becoming diaper free! The reality for us all (with the exception of those children with health issues or developmental delays) is that our children all eventually did (or will) succeed and become diaper free.
Thinking more about the mom I mentioned earlier, I decided to conduct an informal survey. Contacting my Facebook friends (I did say informal!) and over 100 Early Childhood Directors, I was delighted by the responses, opinions and anecdotes I received.
First let me say that of all the responses, I am happy to report that NOT ONE child entered kindergarten in diapers. The average age for potty training was 2.3 - 3.8 years. There were children on either side of this number but the majority were in this range. Techniques varied from letting children run around naked to parents following them around the house with potty chairs. Rewards, schedules and "tough love" were also mentioned. Many second children simply told their parents they wanted to be "big boys/girls" like their older siblings. A number of parents from outside our immediate area felt more pressure than local parents because their nursery schools would not accept children in diapers.
In my house of 4 boys, the ages ranged from 18 months (I swear!) to 3 years and 3 days. My oldest climbed up on the toilet with a magazine and that was that. The 3 years and 3 days child will remain anonymous. I begged, pleaded and bribed. The truth of it is, until he was ready, I wasn't getting anywhere. The two other ones were trained in their mid two's. I didn’t use pull ups. This was just my choice and does not reflect any strong opinions.
In my life I've learned to pick my battles. This goes for everything from potty training to haircuts, clothing choices and larger life decisions. I believe that for most of us our goal is to raise children who are independent, confident and have a great sense of themselves. As our children grow into the amazing human beings that we are proud to call our own, potty training becomes a fond memory/story that we share with our crazy friends who send random requests through social media.
For those who haven’t gotten there yet, I am including a link to the American Academy of Pediatrics’ "check list" for potty "readiness" and the hope that one day you too will have a fond memory or great anecdotes to share with your friends:
http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/toilettraining.cfm
Roni Kleinman, M Ed
Vice President, Long Beach Services
Friedberg JCC Early Childhood Department Blog
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
It Really is Time to Get Ready for September?
Have you noticed all the "Back to School" ads? They actually started in early July just weeks after the last day of school so it sort of became white noise. But now that it is August it really is time to be thinking about the new school year. Some parents are happy to see the summer end and see kids back in school with the school year routines. Others love summer and want to see the less structured days continue. However, there is no stopping the clock and whichever category you fall into, you must deal with the reality of September. So, how best to prepare your child for the inevitable changes?
First, always talk positively about the new school year and the fun things to expect, whether your child is just moving up to the next level or starting in a totally new school building. The idea is to get your child mentally and physically ready for the new school year. Review the school day routine, especially how they will get to school and back home. Discuss what they will take to school for meals and snacks. Start shopping for new school clothes, shoes, backpacks, lunch boxes and school supplies - but not all at once. Do it a little at a time so it is not overwhelming and continues to be fun, not a chore.
Review what friends will be in their class and set up a few play dates or meet-in-the-park dates in the weeks leading up to the start of school to reconnect with those kids. Start about 2 weeks before to move bedtime closer to what it will be in September. It will already be hard enough the night before the first day. Try to make the end of summer days more structured with a daily routine for wake ups, meal times and bed time. If possible, try to visit the classroom, meet the teacher, see the playground, gym, lunchroom, etc. so your child can be familiar with it before the first day. Practice self help skills like buttoning, zipping, putting on own shoes, jacket, boots and opening their own lunch foods. All of these skills will make your child feel more confident so practice them at home as much as you can until mastered.
Visit the library and get books about starting school. These can be useful to encourage conversation about it in a positive way and can reveal any worries your child has about going to school. First day jitters are natural and to be expected. Talk about anxieties now - weeks before school begins - whether it is just a new classroom, a new teacher or a whole new building with a lot of unknowns. Parents play an important role in shaping a child's attitude toward school so make sure you are not communicating any of your own anxieties about the new school year - that will only exacerbate any separation issues.
If your child is especially anxious do a first day of school practice run - getting up early, picking out first day clothes, first day breakfast, pack a lunch and drive to school (if your child takes a bus pretend you’re the bus driver!) or walk to the bus stop. Talk about who else they might see and how they will get home. Play school at home pointing out all the things your child already knows, always talking positively about all the new FUN experiences they will have at school. The most important thing parents can do to prepare their child is to spend quality time together - reading, singing rhyming songs, talking a lot and encouraging the child to show you what they are interested in. All this will help make the transition to a new class or a new school an easy one.
Karen Horowitz
Parenting Resource Network Director
First, always talk positively about the new school year and the fun things to expect, whether your child is just moving up to the next level or starting in a totally new school building. The idea is to get your child mentally and physically ready for the new school year. Review the school day routine, especially how they will get to school and back home. Discuss what they will take to school for meals and snacks. Start shopping for new school clothes, shoes, backpacks, lunch boxes and school supplies - but not all at once. Do it a little at a time so it is not overwhelming and continues to be fun, not a chore.
Review what friends will be in their class and set up a few play dates or meet-in-the-park dates in the weeks leading up to the start of school to reconnect with those kids. Start about 2 weeks before to move bedtime closer to what it will be in September. It will already be hard enough the night before the first day. Try to make the end of summer days more structured with a daily routine for wake ups, meal times and bed time. If possible, try to visit the classroom, meet the teacher, see the playground, gym, lunchroom, etc. so your child can be familiar with it before the first day. Practice self help skills like buttoning, zipping, putting on own shoes, jacket, boots and opening their own lunch foods. All of these skills will make your child feel more confident so practice them at home as much as you can until mastered.
Visit the library and get books about starting school. These can be useful to encourage conversation about it in a positive way and can reveal any worries your child has about going to school. First day jitters are natural and to be expected. Talk about anxieties now - weeks before school begins - whether it is just a new classroom, a new teacher or a whole new building with a lot of unknowns. Parents play an important role in shaping a child's attitude toward school so make sure you are not communicating any of your own anxieties about the new school year - that will only exacerbate any separation issues.
If your child is especially anxious do a first day of school practice run - getting up early, picking out first day clothes, first day breakfast, pack a lunch and drive to school (if your child takes a bus pretend you’re the bus driver!) or walk to the bus stop. Talk about who else they might see and how they will get home. Play school at home pointing out all the things your child already knows, always talking positively about all the new FUN experiences they will have at school. The most important thing parents can do to prepare their child is to spend quality time together - reading, singing rhyming songs, talking a lot and encouraging the child to show you what they are interested in. All this will help make the transition to a new class or a new school an easy one.
Karen Horowitz
Parenting Resource Network Director
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Get Outside!
Do you find that kids are easier to keep occupied in the summer? Now that we have reached the mid-point of the summer (really? Is it August already?), it is time to take stock of all the parks, playground, beaches and family attractions still left to explore. Check out the new website of the Early Years Institute, www.pickapark.org, for a wonderful database of Long Island's 700 parks (yes, 700!) listing their locations and facilities.
Outdoor exercise has been in the news a lot recently as the nation focuses on the obesity epidemic and the importance of getting kids up and moving. Newsday recently reported on the focus in Great Britain that all children under age 5 need daily exercise for at least 3 hours every day. Research by neuroscientists is confirming that "exercise can make kids smarter". Now who wouldn't want a physically fit, emotionally resilient, smarter child! There's even overwhelming evidence showing that the higher the fitness level of a child, the higher the test scores. So let's get everyone outside and exploring Long Island's wonderfully rich natural environment. When the weather isn't cooperative be sure to come to the JCC and use our fabulous indoor pool, play room and gym.
Karen Horowitz
Parenting Resource Network Director
Outdoor exercise has been in the news a lot recently as the nation focuses on the obesity epidemic and the importance of getting kids up and moving. Newsday recently reported on the focus in Great Britain that all children under age 5 need daily exercise for at least 3 hours every day. Research by neuroscientists is confirming that "exercise can make kids smarter". Now who wouldn't want a physically fit, emotionally resilient, smarter child! There's even overwhelming evidence showing that the higher the fitness level of a child, the higher the test scores. So let's get everyone outside and exploring Long Island's wonderfully rich natural environment. When the weather isn't cooperative be sure to come to the JCC and use our fabulous indoor pool, play room and gym.
Karen Horowitz
Parenting Resource Network Director
Monday, June 20, 2011
Where Does the Time Go?
Where does the time go? How could it be the end of the school year already? No one should be surprised that the month of June is a tremendously emotional one - so many transitions to a new stage of life take place this month. For parents of young children there is the milestone of graduation from Pre-K and the transition to "big school" kindergarten in the fall. Many a parent will have a tear in their eye as they watch this first of many graduation ceremonies to come as their child starts on their public school journey. It is natural to feel both excitement and anxiety as they leave the comfort of the JCC pre-school family and move into the larger world of formal education. For younger children there is the excitement (and some anxiety) of moving up to the next level group - whether from infant to toddler or toddler to nursery and the adjustment to new teachers, classmates and classroom. Familiarity with these new teachers and classrooms will surely help ease that transition.
An additional emotional touchstone this month is the end of the routine of daily school to the looser schedule of summer fun. Fun for whom, you ask? Parents are now responsible for keeping their young children occupied for days and weeks at a time – not just 2 days over a weekend – for the next several months. Can you sense the feelings of panic in the air? Summer camp can come to the rescue! The JCC offers a variety of schedules for the summer months that will keep little ones happily occupied and suitably tired at the end of the day.
Between vacations planned, day trips to the beach, park, playground or pool, visits by company and holiday celebrations the new school year will be here before you know it. Time always passes more quickly when you are having fun and summer time is rich with opportunities for both fun and learning. May everyone enjoy a safe, happy and healthy summer and come back with lots of stories of your favorite experiences. Feel free to share your ideas for keeping your children productively occupied during the summer months - we would love to hear from you.
Karen Horowitz
Parenting Resource Network Director
An additional emotional touchstone this month is the end of the routine of daily school to the looser schedule of summer fun. Fun for whom, you ask? Parents are now responsible for keeping their young children occupied for days and weeks at a time – not just 2 days over a weekend – for the next several months. Can you sense the feelings of panic in the air? Summer camp can come to the rescue! The JCC offers a variety of schedules for the summer months that will keep little ones happily occupied and suitably tired at the end of the day.
Between vacations planned, day trips to the beach, park, playground or pool, visits by company and holiday celebrations the new school year will be here before you know it. Time always passes more quickly when you are having fun and summer time is rich with opportunities for both fun and learning. May everyone enjoy a safe, happy and healthy summer and come back with lots of stories of your favorite experiences. Feel free to share your ideas for keeping your children productively occupied during the summer months - we would love to hear from you.
Karen Horowitz
Parenting Resource Network Director
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