Potty training boot camp? Really? Is potty training so intimidating to us that we find it necessary to buy books and DVDs to give us step by step detailed information?
I recently encountered a mom in our school that was so overwhelmed by the well meaning advice of "friends" and family she was rendered helpless in her pursuit of a diaper free toddler. I'm not sure if it’s the idea of potty training, the well meaning unsolicited advice and potty "horror" stories she heard or peer pressure. Listening to her prompted my desire to write on this topic.
The stress of ridding your child of pacifiers, bottles and diapers is the equivalent of a teen's SAT scores and college acceptances. Friends, who are usually so supportive of one another and will keep a secret about you until they die, become Super Bowl level competitors when it comes to childhood milestones. Did your child walk at 9 months? Fifteen months? Immediately after leaving the womb? Does this really matter? Well, if you’re concerned about delays yes, otherwise what's the issue? Is it to prove the superiority of one child over the other? Absolutely not!
As I began writing this blog I googled "potty training" and came up with over 16 million hits. After that, I decided to search a few other early childhood topics.
Googling separation anxiety came up with close to 5 million hits and preschool readiness had a mere 3 million 6 hundred thousand. Why is it that almost 4 times as many people are more concerned with potty training than with separation and nearly 5 times as many with school readiness?
I’m not going to even attempt to try to answer these questions now, just pondering the importance of becoming diaper free! The reality for us all (with the exception of those children with health issues or developmental delays) is that our children all eventually did (or will) succeed and become diaper free.
Thinking more about the mom I mentioned earlier, I decided to conduct an informal survey. Contacting my Facebook friends (I did say informal!) and over 100 Early Childhood Directors, I was delighted by the responses, opinions and anecdotes I received.
First let me say that of all the responses, I am happy to report that NOT ONE child entered kindergarten in diapers. The average age for potty training was 2.3 - 3.8 years. There were children on either side of this number but the majority were in this range. Techniques varied from letting children run around naked to parents following them around the house with potty chairs. Rewards, schedules and "tough love" were also mentioned. Many second children simply told their parents they wanted to be "big boys/girls" like their older siblings. A number of parents from outside our immediate area felt more pressure than local parents because their nursery schools would not accept children in diapers.
In my house of 4 boys, the ages ranged from 18 months (I swear!) to 3 years and 3 days. My oldest climbed up on the toilet with a magazine and that was that. The 3 years and 3 days child will remain anonymous. I begged, pleaded and bribed. The truth of it is, until he was ready, I wasn't getting anywhere. The two other ones were trained in their mid two's. I didn’t use pull ups. This was just my choice and does not reflect any strong opinions.
In my life I've learned to pick my battles. This goes for everything from potty training to haircuts, clothing choices and larger life decisions. I believe that for most of us our goal is to raise children who are independent, confident and have a great sense of themselves. As our children grow into the amazing human beings that we are proud to call our own, potty training becomes a fond memory/story that we share with our crazy friends who send random requests through social media.
For those who haven’t gotten there yet, I am including a link to the American Academy of Pediatrics’ "check list" for potty "readiness" and the hope that one day you too will have a fond memory or great anecdotes to share with your friends:
http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/toilettraining.cfm
Roni Kleinman, M Ed
Vice President, Long Beach Services
